Hey Skorchie-Terr Cacilia here,
About 3 weeks ago I began going to the gym-alone. This is something that I had wanted to do for months-but recovering from a traumatic car accident that took place early this spring had me on a regimen of limited movement outside of physical therapy 3x a week. The day I was cleared for more “strenuous” activity, I knew the time was now.
Going to the gym for me is like this- I like to exercise I just always thought I didn’t know how to work out. I always felt like no one ever showed me how to be “fit”. My decision to join the gym was greatly reinforced after dealing with complications brought on by PCOS(Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome). Because of PCOS I have edema/severe bloating in my abdomen- if weight loss was ever a goal with my new habit of going to the gym, those days are gone. I accept loosing weight, I accept gaining weight and I accept if the number on the scale stays exactly the same- life is about the ups & downs and that includes our weight.
Some words of wisdom that have recently become a staple to me come from Alysse Dalessandro, someone I admire greatly, “You can lose weight and not shame your former body. You can lose weight and recognize the privileges that come with it.”
I read this snippet on Alysse’s twitter a few days after I had started this new journey, and it set the tone of this new habit for me.
The first day I decided to go in to the gym, aside from signing up, was one of the most liberating and terrifying things I have ever done. While I was going to put things into a locker, I noticed a local guy who I had interacted with in the past (He was my weight in the past.) He saw me and I saw him and the insecure little girl inside me felt like my cover had been blown. A week or so later I arrived at the gym at busier time- mostly all the treadmills with tvs, which I like to use so I can get my fill of junk TV, were being used. Except of course one next to the same local guy- internally I froze and my mind started racing What do I do? Where should I go? Should I go next to him?
Working out for me even this early on has begun to feel like an extremely personal and even spiritual practice for me- and seeing him here was like having an intruder in my safe space. The truth is that he deserves to be there as much as he wants, but so do I. A wave of confidence came over me- In a single bound I hopped on to the empty treadmill machine next to him, popped in my earbuds, and dove in to my work out!
My weight does not dismiss my right to get my work out on!
It may seem like I am over analyzing what took place here-but I am someone who spent the first 17 years of my 22 years of life caring what people thought about my weight. This was a defining moment- an internal revelation of sorts.
Although it has only been just under a month that I have started this new hobby, I have some early thoughts on going to the gym alone as a fat woman for the first time.
- You don’t have to know how to work out, and you don’t have to be fit already (whatever “fit” is). There are also a ton of ‘guru’s who can help inspire future workouts. Here are a few of my faves:
- You pay that membership ie. You deserve to sweat and get your workout on as much as you want! (Just be polite and wipe it up when you’re done!)
- Does everyone sweat this much? ( Yes- everyone sweats!)
- You can create your own idea of body positivity- YOU DO YOU BOO!
- Bruno Mars latest album 24K Magic is my workout jam!
Terr Cacilia Links:
ps. I want to work out here so bad- it’s my dream gym.
Photo Credit: http://sweetbepsi.tumblr.com/